Posts Tagged ‘Emotion: Thoughts’

The Smoke Diary: Day Ground Zero

January 6th, 2011

It is 6th of January 2011 – 1:30AM.

I have finished my “last supper” three hours ago. I hope it would be the last stick. Talked to my fiancee that I wanted to stop smoking. She supported that. But..

Told her that I wanted to stop in cold turkey – and she said I’m crazy (in her words – “waklu!” )   tongue

She wanted me to stop slowly. Well, my last record was smoking only 5 sticks in a day. After breakfast, after lunch, after dinner, after gym, and before sleep. And even that I feel strained.

I really don’t have any motivation to stop smoking, actually – apart from the usual cliche of health and fitness issues plus money issues. I don’t know how long can I really hold myself from buying and puffing the next one again. This is a test against my own body to see whether it can endure the reduced amount of nicotine or not.

And three hours from the last smoke, I started to crave for it again.

The taste of the smokiness lingers in my mouth.

My saliva is accumulating and my neck feel a bit strained.

Minor headache started to set in.

I take a look in my ashtray to see if there’s any short butt that can still be smoked. None.

I feel a bit agitated.

*sigh*

Will I endure this test that I put myself into? Will I regret this decision? Will I succumb to the temptation and the release of endorphin when the nicotine swim in my blood?

This is the first post that marks the start of the test called “How long can I survived without cigarettes“.

I am going to trash away all the cigarettes butts now. Brushed my teeth in the attempt to remove the saliva and the lingering taste. And try to get some sleep. I’ll post more tomorrow to see how I cope with the wake up stage (yes, usually when I wake up – I smoke first.)

If this doesn’t work, I need to find a plan to make this work. I wanted to try to be clean from smoking for at least six months. Rest assured, if I can stop and be clean from smoking for six month, I know I can stop forever. But let’s do this test first.

God, grant me your strength. not worthy

Reminiscence of 2010, Resolution of 2011

December 31st, 2010

Ah. New year comes again. In a blink of an eye, time passes and again we left traces all over again. Here and there. Sadness, happiness, craziness, changes, idleness, clumsiness, challenges.

Most of the things that I’ve done in 2010 is more on getting me stabilized in this world. Slowly, I’ve changed. I’ve been aware on what I write. I’ve been aware on what my weakness are. I’ve been aware on what limit that I can hold myself with.

If you read my blog for this year postings, it’s more on movies, how-to guides, perks here and there either in blogosphere or Facebook or Twitter, and a little on life updates.

See, this year has been more on my own private time. And private stories. I refused to reveal so much here and there.

Have I been more mature? Meh. Don’t think so. In a way, I wanted to keep this childishness a bit to keep me interesting; even though time and responsibilities increased tongue

Oh well, some of the highlights of life in 2010:

  • Awa already passed away. Yeah, I was not updating about it on this blog. I was one of the most affected person by her death. It was very unexpected. And yeah, bits of grief here and there sometimes do hit me.
  • And talking about blog, as I was expecting – the MultipleEyes died somewhere around Q4 2010. Most authors have their own blogs, and if your own blogs are not updated much — it doesn’t make sense to write on another, yeah? It’s destined to doom anyway. HAHA.
  • Changed hosting for this blog and it turns out okay. No complaints whatsoever big grin
  • World Cup. German lost to Spain. DEMYUH Spain.
  • But in a way, Malaysia wins over Indonesia in AFF Suzuki Cup. Yeah!!! laughing
  • Relationship? Going okay. We had our ups and downs. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we cuddle.
  • Career? Change from IBM to HP. Did I regretted the decision? Nope. I won’t go to the extreme to say that HP is such a heaven with all colorful rainbows all around – but I’m more calm and contented as of now.

That’s it? I guess this year has been nothing much worth mentioning for me. Let’s see my past year resolution eh?

  1. Love to the next level: Albeit a bit late and not in 2010 – I am getting engaged on New Year. So I’ll consider it accomplished.
  2. Smoke less: A hit and miss. When I was in IBM, the stress was killing me that somehow I smoked quite a lot at times. But on average, I’ve been smoking less. A pack of 20 for 2 days. And fuck yeah government decision to stop the 14-packs cigarettes didn’t help either. But I’ll consider it accomplished as well tongue
  3. Achieve a new salary level: Yeah. I officially got 4k per month after taxes and everything. It comes with a price though. The price being not staying in IBM and venturing into a new company.
  4. Write a fiction novel: Not started at all! All I’ve written was some short stories and then I went cold. I tried to read more now and with the Big Black Wolf sales – I tried to write something up but it just doesn’t materialize. tongue
  5. Scuba dive?: Pfft! No money. No vacation either for 2010.
  6. Building fitness?: I started to go on jogs, but it didn’t come out as a routine. I stopped after… what, 2 weeks? 3 weeks? LOL. tongue

See, I think I’ve been setting up my goals quite general for 2010 and that’s why most of it has become either hit and miss or simply forgotten along the way. Gotta admit that my focus was haywire in 2010. What about 2011?

Let’s set some clear goal, shall we? I know I can be realistic now, but I got to have more drive, motivation and inspiration. Will I be a more positive person in 2011? I do hope so big grin

Love and Relationship:

I want to get married in 2011. I know I’ll be getting engaged on this New Year, so I wanted to get married by 2011. The planned date was around September – will surely write my journey of being someone’s fiancee. Do pray for me and her; and I do pray that we’ll be happily ever after big grin

On this one, I know I’ve set a very clear goal.

Health and Fitness:

I want to give up smoking. It’s been a year already since I started to reduce my nicotine intake; it’s time to take it to the next level. I’m thinking on going cold turkey first and see if that works. Sure, I’ll be recording my journey on this blog as well. I’ll assess it every quarter – let’s see if I can make it for more than 6 months. That’s the clear goal.

I want to be gaining weight. I am 52kg and still a small figure. Wind blows and I can really fly. HAHA! :P So my clear targets are to gain up until 60kg, and maintain it on 60kg. I’m going to get consistent foods and some workouts. Hope these will works its magic, someway.

I want to be fit and have enough stamina. It’s no point if I gain 60kg but all the extra weights are building me a beer belly again. Not that I do not enjoy the beer belly, but I don’t appreciate getting huffed and out of breath when I went up the stairs. So that means going to hit the gym or do some exercise. Clear goals? Hmm. Let’s see…. okay I want to be able to run 10km on the treadmills. Sounds clear enough? :P

I want to have a consistent sleep timing. That requires discipline, which apparently I’ve been slacking and lacking like.. too many years already. I hope with proper foods and exercise, I get to have a better sleep and timing my life around the morning; in all its glory. A clear goal? Sleep before 12, and wakes up latest by 7.

In a way, all these items I mentioned in this section relates to one another. Let’s get into some disciplines and self control, shall we? winking

Career and Finance:

This would be hard. I am just starting out in HP and even though I do well in 2011, I know my salary increment will come in 2012. So no, there will be no salary increment achievement for this year – as far as I can foresee. But hey, if I got it somehow someway, I’ll be grateful! big grin

Controlling my finance will also be a nuisance. Getting married will use a lot of money. Starting a new married life will also consumes money, so no – it will be too hard to set a realistic goals with x number of savings or whatnot.

Writing and Producing Valuables:

I always dream to have written books, and the dream is still there. But I’ve know that writing a book will takes a longer time and I might not have it as a realistic goal. So…

I want to write consistently in this blog. Giving the resolution sets above – I can now updates more on my personal life – like stop smoking, getting married, and building my fitness. That should be three posts already. Let’s set the goals at – 1 post per week, 4 post per month. Sounds good?

It maybe a low number. But better start small and be consistent about it. In the meantime, I might have ideas to write a real book, and went on with it. Anything more than 4 post per month would be such a good bonus.

So there. 6 resolutions set in three sections of life. I think I’ve been putting more emphasize on my health and fitness for 2011, and I really wanted to achieve it.

Hope this 2011 will be a good year. Amen to that. happy

Cool Songs That You Can Use in English Classes

November 25th, 2010

I saw some English teachers complaining on their Facebook that “English songs these days are too bad and only promoting sex and violence, thus it is so not useful to be taught in class”. Of course, those who says this comes from Meleis background who back on their school days listen to those Meleis crap songs like New Boyz or Tomok or whatnot lah kan.. tongue

And they kept on saying that back on their days, “oh we used to have Westlife songs which are so inspirational and good. Now that is suitable for teaching English class.” What bollocks!

You see Meleis, you do not have to only use all lovey-dovey goody-goody boy band songs to teach English. Are you so incompetent or so not creative that you can only see boy bands and pop culture as English songs? I can proclaim myself to be good enough in English – and guess what, I didn’t learn by listening to those Westlife songs! I used to listen to Limp Bizkit and mumbling Tupac rap songs for God sakes!

Alright, let me help you poor fellows by listing these songs which are cool, suitable, more worthy and will be remembered better by the students if you use it as your class materials. My suggestion: play these songs, ask the students to write the lyrics as the song goes, and then discuss the meanings behind those songs. See how fast your students can learn English – their vocabulary will be increased, their speaking will be better, their listening skills will be sharpen, etc.

Here’s three of my suggested songs that can be used in English class. The question is, do you have the guts to bring it into your class, teachers?

  1. Fuel – Haemorrhage (In My Hands).
  2. Kris Allen – Live Like We’re Dying.
  3. Miley Cyrus – The Climb.

1) Fuel – Hemorrhage (In My Hands)

Full lyrics can be found here. Some of the interesting lyrics:

Memories are just where you laid them..
tried the waters till the depths get rough that day.
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don’t you remember,
Everything i said when i said…

Why it can be used in English class?

First, the title of the song itself. Do you think student understand what hemorrhage means? Ask them to explain the meaning to you in English, literally and non-figuratively.

Second, get your students to distinguish two perspectives of the story in this song. One, the male describe his dissatisfaction when she asked the girl – “what do you expect to find?”. Second, the girl situation after listening to his dissatisfaction.

Third, the literature part. What does it mean by “unholy now I feel contagious”? What does it mean by “dead actors faking lines”? What does it mean by “some movie black and white”? Or “till the depths get rough that day”? Or “love lies bleeding“?

Of course, this is a breakup song. If you want to take the path of “what is love”, by all means go ahead. Tell them stories on how life and love come and go. Tell them your breakup story. Seep in morality values. Get creative about it.

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