>>> Unstable Emotion <<<

May 22nd, 2008 by [re-arrange] 7 comments »
I think I know what you think. You think that this is another post continuing the rant about the new girl I met previously, huh?

Sorry dude / dudettes. It’s not. This unstable emotion is not that kind of emotion. In fact, it’s not even the kind of emotion that I like. *sigh*

I think the image below should explain how I feel right now…

Depression and uncontrollable amount of anger.

Anyway, talking about the last post, its actually nothing. It’s actually the way I have been attracted to a girl that I’ve met previously. But, she’s already in a relationship, so it’s not my way at all to disturb somebody who’s not available. It’s just that, I like the feeling of infatuation that I haven’t been able to feel for quite a long time. happy

So, close that story. In fact, I don’t even started anything LOL. Loser.

Back to the topic..

I am feeling fucked up today. I know that I suck at working in the morning, but due to the Data Warehouse training, I got to wake up early in the morning to attend that. Little that I know, my emotion swings in totally a different angle.

I’m feeling moody like a girl having her period. Sounds so fucking sissy, and so fucking sensitive. I get mad at nothing, and I get mad at small things. I am fucked up at the moment.

Plus that with a late dinner with Snub and the others at Maveles, going back at 5, and waking up in the morning feeling real dizzy and disoriented. Add that with the talk of relationships in previous night that earthen up all the old stories and previous nightmares, it just like pouring salts in the injuries.

My heads were thinking about things that had past.. again.. shit.

And I wonder how did I managed to stay sane back in UTP back when my life still needed me to go to class in the morning?? Or is it a fact that my life is changing? Is it a fact that working environment really stressed you out?

(even though its a fact that I didn’t go to morning classes that much, but I still did go for it :P)

Now I am questioning myself again; is this the life that I want to lead till I’m dead or retired? *sigh*

Maybe I need to meet my friends more frequent to get track back in my life. Can anybody give me a quick course of anger management, my fellow dudes/dudettes?

I am going lunatic. Even my little sister’s stupid playlist doesn’t help. That’s already a weird thing for me to do; to tune into my little sister’s playlist.

Weird.

P/s: Oh you wanted to know what the playlist? Aizat AF5 – Hanya Kau Yang Mampu, Matta – Ketahuan, Alif Aziz – Sayang Sayang, and Mulan Jameela – Makhluk Tuhan Paling Sexy.

Weird isn’t it? Since when that I can tune to Malay Pop? (-_0″winking

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>>> Letting it off my chest <<<

May 18th, 2008 by [re-arrange] 9 comments »

Today, I suddenly smiled when I read a quote from Henry Bromell in his Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, dated 1990:

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn’t all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity…

Ladies and gentlemen, the itisjan03 just finished our BBQ activities at Mat’s house. It’s good to be together again. It’s good to let myself loose again. It’s good to be able to laugh heartily again. It has been a while since I got to laugh and smiling and sharing updates with my dear itisjan03.

Even though the time limits me to open up just for a little, but it was satisfying. Having been quite uptight with routines and works, it was also an opportunity for me to not be a robot again. To be happy again.

Not to say that I am not happy with my current life.. but.. today did flash some additional colours to it…

This might not be realized by many people, in fact; I can safely assume that nobody noticed anything different with me. Well, I am not blaming anybody – having been in a prison made by myself, it must been hard for me to express myself as bold as before.

Or maybe its too early? Maybe I was just afraid? Maybe it was the consequences of the past? Or maybe I am just a chicken now?

Sigh. It’s been a while since I got to feel this kind of vanity, but I got to admit, the feeling was marvelous. It’s only the glimpse of her under the evening sun, but, it was heaven..

Or maybe the sun played its trick on my eyes?

Gah. I need to let this out of my chest. So here goes..

Ku tahu ku belum bersedia lagi,
Tak ku bersolek membawa diri,
Tapi ku tersentak melihat kuasa Illahi,
Sungguh! Terasa sempurna ini hari..

Pandai sungguh diri dibawa,
Tidak menghukum, berfikiran terbuka,
Ringan mulut beramah mesra,
Menarik caramu, aku tergoda!

Terkancing mulutku tertunduk pandanganku,
Rendah rasa, malu dan kelu,
Di celah gelak hebat gegar tawaku,
Tercuit hati di lirik mataku..

Bukan ku gila sampai tak lalu makan nasi,
Bukan itu yang ku mahukan sebagai impresi,
Tapi tak ku nafi bila ku sendiri,
Tersenyum meleret cuba mengingati..

Ku sedar ini cuma fantasi,
Yang telah terlalu lama tak ku rasai,
Walau hanya sekelumit ruang yg terisi,
Tetap ku abadikan di dalam memori..

Terima kasih sahaja yang mampu ku ucapkan,
Hidupku hari ini telah sedikit kau warnakan,
Tidak ku mengharap ku jumpa lagi di masa hadapan,
Ku faham ini hanya tarikan luaran..

And I played this song again and again for today….

I let my guard down for you,
 And in time you will too..

And if you don’t mind, can you tell me all your hopes and fears,
And everything that you believe in,
 Would you make a difference in the world?
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation,
Only you can make me..


Yuna – Deeper Conversation

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7atfqr65uUo&hl=en]

Oh I don’t know why.. but I keep on smiling for today..

Wicked.

P/s: Enol, sorry but I just got to answer your “question” previously with a childish laugh.. ;p

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>>> Work!! Work!! <<<

May 13th, 2008 by [re-arrange] 6 comments »

I am now a certified WarCraft Peon. My life now is just work, work, work. I might be uttering “Werk! Werk!” everytime I got up in the morning afternoon.

No, no. This is not a post about how much I hate my job. In fact, I do love my job with all of my heart (even though sometimes it’s tiring and sometimes it feel dull).

This is just to reminisce how much have I done and how much have I learn throughout my journey of my own career. From a seedling to a half-full (not full yet ;p) grown of… whatever in your mind, I do appreciate the challenges that has been thrown to me all the way up.

And my current challenges is to be a mentor to somebody else.

Damn. It’s really hard. Now I think I appreciate my former mentor more. It is hard to guide people actually. It is hard to motivate others. It is hard to mold somebody to be.. “something”.

My mentee is a Colombian, and now language barrier come into place. It’s not that I cannot speak or communicate, but the communication sometimes gets harder. Sometimes its hard for me to capture what is the word utters by him.

And the fact that its a he and he’s a Caucasian made me full of envy *hmmf*

Oh you know how the Malaysian girls behave when being around a “mat salleh”. Ironically, even though my name contains the word “Salleh”, don’t expect that I got the same treatment. LOL.

It’s up to the extent that he says: “Can I put invisible to my Sametime? You know, every girls like messaging me every seconds of my day…”

Goddamn…

Now I doubt his orientation. Double LOL.

Anyway, I am not here to criticize him. It’s just that I feel like I need to learn more on coaching people. A short-tempered me is afraid that somehow the way I treated him is not fair. When I reminisce the old days of starting the work, I guess that’s how my mentor feel.

Wish me luck.

P/s: My boss was telling me a good news! A hiring ticket is reserved for me! That means I am going to be a regular on July. Yeay!! Yeay!! Yeay!! Now I am more motivated than ever.

After all, this Peon has done a lot and it’s time to achieve level 10. Muahahaha!!~ tongue

P/s2: itisjan03 boys and girls, GViners, K5ivers, and all my “other families”, I will remember to treat you guys when the time comes. You know how much dear you all mean to me. winking

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