I can’t stand it. The second day is too horrible I succumb to the temptation!

The first day, when I wake up – dry mouth haunts me. Tried to drink a lot of water but the taste of smokiness and the craving caught up. It’s getting worst when it’s raining all day (you know, if you’re cold, you want to smoke just to warm you up). Still trying to not smoke on the first day, I ended up with a mild headache.

My neck felt strained. Like there’s a rope trying to noose me up the wall.

Yet, I managed to not have my mood swings. I feel pretty calm on the first day and I can notice the difference in my body. Took one painkiller to reduce the headache and sleep. Success.

I think I can continue, but thirteen years of smoking taking its toll on my second day..

I started shivering and feeling weak. It’s not like I’m shivering like those with Parkinson’s; more like unnatural vibe in.. I don’t know, once every 15 minutes? People might see me like normal and might not notice it, but I know that my hands shivers a bit every once in a while.

Went online like usual, but I think I feel irritated with the smallest thing possible. Shit. The mood swings started to kick in. I feel irritated again at the Indonesia tweets. Even though it has been a week by now.

Tried not to contact my fiancee in the morning because I’m afraid that I’ll somehow burst or anything. It has been quite a history that in my mood swings I tend to be angry without reason. Tried to keep a low profile in the morning.

Come afternoon – and that’s it. The temptation is too much at lunch. Went for Friday prayer and had lunch outside the mosque, most of the people smokes around my table. I can’t stand that and there goes another RM8.50 for another pack of twenties.

And yes, it doesn’t help that cigarettes now comes only in pack of twenties in Malaysia. Fuck the government; where’s the pack of fourteen or ten? *sigh*

And a puff after two days fixed it. No trembling hands, no headache, no nausea feeling like vomiting after a hearty meal. Hmm..

Some lessons I learned about my own addiction to smoking:

1. People says that the first three days are the most challenging; I failed at day two.
2. It’s hard to resist the temptation when many people are smoking around you. SHOULD–WALK–AWAY–IMMEDIATELY.
3. I don’t have motivation to stop. Simply says, I stop because I know it’s not good for my health, but it’s been my habit since I was 12. That is such a bad habit that has been ingrained too much in my life.
4. I smoke when I got bored. Friday usually don’t have much work. When I’m idle, I tend to feel the craving more.
5. Expect headache and might be fever in the first three day. I am lucky I am not down with fever today, even though I can feel like.. urm.. *dedor?*
6. I need a new, proper plan. Need to figure out the real motivation, the real reason. Need to find a replacement (be it activity to keep me active or some meds?) Should I go for nicotine patch? Hmm..

Gah.

Need to start again. Let me finish this pack of 20 first. This might take another 3 to 4 days top. I need to really evaluate my physical condition now. Hmmph.