Douche: A word to describe an individual who has shown themselves to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vagina’s.

Douchebag: Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confused with douche.

Source: UrbanDictionary.com

I’m gonna make a confession right here, right now: I’m not as sweet as you ought to think I am. I’m not normal, I am a douchebag. I can be a jerk at time, with my cynically analytical-critical bullshit thoughts and opinions. But whenever there’s a battle of gender equalities, battle of sexes, differences of sexes that is annoying, mostly I’m going to keep my opinion to myself. Why?

Pasal kalau aku sound direct sorang-sorang kang kene batang idong masing-masing bai.. nanti kang terasa sangat kang aku lak takde kawan!

Recently I got into arguments about battle of sexes (gender, I mean, not that “battle of sex“..) with two different parties. I have no intention to reveal who they are, but this post is about stating the obvious belief I have. What I always know and believe are:

• Women ought to think in emotional while men are more logical.
• There’s always loopholes for emotional, which logical can always fill, but the emotion will always rejected.
• Thus, emotional and logical cannot be in parallel.
• So, there’s no such thing as perfect woman or perfect man.
• Which leads to the needs of an understanding, forgiving and give-and-take if you want a relationship.
• Which always leads to disasters since human are self-centered bitches or bastards.

Guys can say that they don’t like the indecisive moments women had when they go shopping. Guys can say that they don’t like the women to keep secrets from them. Guys can say that they don’t like their women to be clingy or depending on them too much.

But that is what women do. Indecisive when they go shopping. Not telling men what problems they have.  Wanted to tell they’re sad but do not tell why. Depending on men as a shoulder to cry..

Women can say that they don’t like being put in second position when men goes out with friends, women can say that they don’t like men talks all about themselves, women can say that they don’t like when their men forgets about the most little details; like not noticing the new hair that they’ve made.

But that is what men do. Men like to have their space going out with friends. Men likes to talk about themselves. Men forgets about little details. Men don’t notice the smallest changes.

So how, brown cow? *sighs*. This thing is going into infinite loop without resolution. It’s not going to be solved without: ACCEPTANCE.

Here’s a note to everybody who’s single: If you want a relationship, accept the weakness. Don’t try to change, because if you fall in love, its the things that cannot be changed that you fell in love with at the first place.

And here’s a note to everybody who’s in a relationship: If you want the relationship to sustain; be forgiving, accept, and give-and-take, because nobody is perfect. She loves you even though she’s not texting you. He loves you even though he’s going for a mamak session until late in the morning.

True; it’s the smallest details that can make you smile in the morning. But is it worth risking the relationship for the smallest mistake that make you throw a tantrum over your significant other? Is it worth not trying to start a relationship for the smallest mistake that he or she made?

IT’S NOT.

We’ve got to put this thought’s into our mind: the world doesn’t always revolves around me. It revolves around all of us. We’re just a tiny chunk that makes up the whole puzzle called life.

You are nothing without all the causes or peoples around you; that is what actually make up your life. If there’s no people or nothing happened around you or to you, you’re just as good as the fly scavenging the cadaver. You’re nothing but shit.

Now does that makes you feel small or intimidated? Good, because as said earlier, I’m not normal – I’m a douchebag, and this is what I call the ultimate way of self-reminding-humility.

I used to write my reminiscence for the year as well as my new year resolutions at every start of the year. My previous post of it can be seen here: 2007, 2008, but the post for 2009 somehow was missing when I upgraded this blog.

It were bitter years for the past several years. I smiled on myself when reading those again. How childish, too ambitious, or too unrealistic

For this time, I am getting ahead of reminiscing a tad bit early (4 days early, to be exact). I’m having one of my insomniac moments and I’m currently in Kedah, supposedly be attending Yoda’s marriage ceremony tomorrow morning; but all I can hear is the fan spinning and the snoring of the bear Munir and Mangi. Gosh their snoring rhymes just like the way I put their names next to each other

So as their snores are my background musics, and accompanied by the chillness cold from the old crappy air conditioner of this cheap hotel, here goes my reminiscence for 2009..

2009: The Year of Challenges and Changes.

1) It started of as a normal year; but over times there came many challenges and changes – big and small. Some of it:

• My position is not that secure now that they made some restructuring in the organization. Can’t blame them though, economy was tough in the middle of the year. Although I still have a job, it doesn’t feel the same when it is not your passions or interests.
• My parents decided to move to Kajang. Permanently. As mentioned bit by bit in some of my previous post, I hate that decision. But what’s done is done.
• I decided to buy a house, only to be disappointed again when the full loan didn’t go through, and I cannot come up with the remaining balance.
• Some close friends were not even close anymore. I don’t care much about this – people change. Some people realized it, but some people choose to deny it. Although, it was a LOL. Read “High School Stuffs” post.
• Many of my close friends are married now. I am happy for them, but sometimes it does struck you – “when will it be my chance?” (*sigh*)
• I even got some turbulences in this blog – if you see the archives, half of the year entry was missing. Oh shh…

Overall, half of the year started off calmly, but storms and rains come in the middle. Because of thats, some things changes – for good, and for worst.

2) For when challenges occurred, you got to adapt. You got to change. Stuffs happened, such as:

• I was happy doing my previous responsibilities, but shit happens. So my responsibilities change, new tasks assigned, new expectations added. I was getting goddamn busier than the start of the year. Seriously. And the bad thing about this is the quality of jobs I’ve delivered. It’s too far from perfect. Quality versus Quantity.
• So I don’t get to buy a house. Alternative? I bought my own first car. A white Myvi only, but yeah I’m happy. It’s plate number is WTH!
• I combined the contents from my previous blogs into here. Nothing special, just importing in. The styles or formats might not be in its gorgeous condition, but what the hell..
• I resides alternately between BTS and Kajang. Weekdays in BTS, weekends in Kajang.
• *Ehem*. Lovestrucked. I fall in love with Ekin and officially an item at 29.09.09.
• Albeit I didn’t get to went to Hong Kong, I got to went for vacation at Perhentian Island. Nice getaway before each of us are carrying on with different path. I also went to Singapore for official business.

Resolutions for 2010:

Let’s start with some realistic things that I can do, which I will do – shall we?

1) I want to bring my love relationship to the next level. I wanted to get engaged at the very least. I want to marry her. (Sayang, will u marry me?)

2) I want to smoke less. For now, on normal day I smoke a pack of 14 per day. I want to reduce to a pack of 14 per two days. Start slowly but consistent. It’s easier to say I want to stop smoking now but not being consistent about it.

3) I want to achieve a new salary level and achieves some career advancement. At the very least I hope by end of the year I can make 4 grands per month in the payslip.

4) I want to write a fiction novel. A full, complete story in English. Might be published or might be not, but I want to complete writing it. Err, I don’t have anything in mind to write about for now, so throw me some ideas?

5) I want to scuba dive! Might be taking the professional diver certificates – that sounds nice too. That means for 2010, my  yearly vacation might be to some islands too. Let’s see how the money rolling in 2010 to see which island to go to. Hehehe. (Syg, ni tak tiru tau! )

6) I want to build my fitness again. Might be start playing one sport again maybe (badminton and swimming comes to mind), or might be joining the gym? (not preferred, because that means money). Again, for this want it is not about start doing, but its about consistently doing it.

I hope 2010 will brings more lucks, happiness and prosperity to me. I hope it will be a blessed year for me. Happy New Year!!