Happy new year 2012!  May all your new resolutions be fulfilled and may this year be a good year for all of us. And as usual, this post will be up for every new year to remind me what has happened, and how do I want to progress for this year. Yes, sorry for not posting anything at all since last three months or so. I deliberately do that because I am more active on Twitter now. No, don’t follow me – at most time I am babbling nonsense to myself, and I always annoy people who follow me. Bahahaha!

Just had a barbecue sessions with friends so this post was written while I’m quite tired.. (Jilaka muner, marinate ayam sampai kotor2 lantai! Jadik bibik jap aku memalam ni ciss!!).

Anyway……

Reminiscing 2011 is one hard thing to do since I failed quite a lot last year. Most of my resolutions last year seemed not done at all. Engagement breakup was a hard thing, and I took my time to collect myself. I took it hard. Failure has always been my weakness of the narcissistic me. And that failure of bringing an engagement to a happy ending did affected my career, my financial, and ultimately my soul. When trust is broken, it is hard to trust anyone but yourself.

And that failure didn’t helped me at all to quit smoking. But I gain weight though (read: that’s a good thing!). I gain weight after I broke up with my ex-fiancee, and I did lost weight when I was with her, so actually I am happier without her. LOL

I did stop writing blogs after my broke-up, literally because I don’t want to have anything else to do with her. Writing about it too much would just bring more flame and wars between two families and it can be haywired. Enough is enough.

I did learnt a lot about myself. I do learn the lessons on the circumstances of changing because of somebody else, and not because I truly wanted it, even though it is good for my sake. And I do learn that a relationship takes two to tango. I do learn that marriage is not an end or a mean.

And I do learn profiling people better. And profiling me better. Knowing thyself. Knowing what I can do, and what I am passionate to do. What I like, and what I can’t tolerate. What I want to do, and what I don’t want to do. I am glad that I still have friends who are there to support me, corrected me, and just be there for me. Without them I might be lost in the dark pit forever.

Oh and I made some new friends too. My life’s not as empty as you might think. This might seems selfish but hey, if I’m not the one who control my own life, who will?

2011 has brought me down, but it didn’t killed me, and I came back stronger.

The real [re-arrange] is back!

This year would be my year. I am determine to make this year to be my greatest year of my life. It would be about me. It would be about fulfilling myself. It would be about achieving things that I forego when I decided to get married. Now that decision last year didn’t worked out, so here’s to a new year, new wishes, new hopes, and new dreams

Resolutions 2012:

1) Write and publish a novel before this half year. No, seriously. This has been postponed for three years now, it can’t be postponed any longer. I just need to write and try submitting it for publishing. Accepted or not is another matter.

2) Be a better programmer. I started my career as a database administrator, went up to be a database application developer, and now I am moving to be a Java software / application programmer. Will start my own simple programming project. And hopefully one day I can have my own application software business.

Sidenote: I am no longer with HP. I am now with Infopro and I am doing Java programming. Found my passion!

3) Buy an apartment for myself. This will be done at the second half of the year since I still need to sort out my financial before committing for the mortgage. And I’ll try to find some cheap apartment suitable for rental, so it would be my investment too.

4) Try to venture into other financial investment. I had been offered opportunities right and left; a part-time agent for insurance and unit trusts, chance of stocks investment, venture capital for small businesses, that kind of thing. Need to learn more on this before committing to it, but surely will try one or the other.

5) Scuba diving license. I don’t care, I want to take the lessons and license. Perhentian vacation again, maybe? Let’s plan this out. Even this has been postponed for… what? Two years?

6)  Do not get married this year. NO NO NO NO NO NO. Tried once and it didn’t worked out, so I am surely gonna take my time to decide about marriage. Sorry girls, sorry crushes, sorry pretty ladies, I am just not ready to settle down before I achieve my other narcissistic goals.  I am open to date though, and I am always up for having a good time doing interesting stuffs. But DO NOT ASK ME TO SETTLE DOWN JUST YET! I am not ready. And I am not following the typical Meleis thinking of “getting married as fast as you can is the most important thing in the world”. I am the living proof of that kinda thinking is destructive, since we tend to settle down for less than what we’re worth for.

So that’s it. Six new resolutions to be done. I am posting this directly without double checking for typos or grammar so forgive me grammar-police. Oh what the heck la kan! Happy New Year again!! Have a blast!!

P/s: Picture is googled, and credit goes to dreamstime.com

See, when you can’t sleep; people suggests that I read. Unfortunately that’s my hobby and it will make me stayed up even late! So, what I try is… “when you can’t sleep, write”. And here’s the product of last night writing… LOL

Spurs of the Moment

The sudden emptiness,
That hurts with such finesse,
Ain’t something that can be healed,
In time like planting a wheat in a field.

 

When all sayings feel like a cliche,
Your act shows like you’re a douche.
Even though you don’t meant it to happen,
You can’t help but feel misshapen.

 

Destiny seldom turns out to be like what we want,
Grief is something that we want none,
But life always turned not like what we plan,
What’s mattered is that we always had fun.

 

Cry your heart out like it doesn’t matter,
We know that it always make us feel better,
There’s always somebody who loved you; just remember,
It ain’t the end of the world; it just tasted a bit bitter..