Yes, I am still sad inside and only God knows how my heart broke and shattered to the smallest pieces. And me and my family are STILL waiting for them to come to clean up the dust like responsible adults shall behave.

Yeah she can claim that we’ve been shooting her left and right, played the damsel in distress card; but it is actually nothing but a disillusioned mind of an immature girl. She has made her decision as an adult, and she is supposed to deal with the ripple effects as soon as possible (like an adult), and end this once and for all.

True, it will be quite an effort, but no one says that it’s going to be easy for both of us. I’ve got to deal with my family, my friends, my own financial, my own fucked up life, my own feelings. Same goes to her.

Damages have been done by both sides, and now there’s no need to bitch around it playing blog-war game and whatnot. I am not descending to her level. We both just need to return things back to normal for both parties. That’s all  :)

Let’s leave the issue of my broken engagement at that, shall we? I’m getting tired and quite bored of it already. To borrow the cliche quotes of Malay — “takde jodoh dah”. (Urgh I hate that statement so much actually)

Anyway, I’m currently dealing with stage 4 of grief: depression. And somehow these two songs stuck in my head longer than ever… damn it! I just wish it will end soon and I can move on to the last stage: acceptance.

Oh… no, please don’t think that these songs have anything to do with the engagement. It’s just me; like what Hanis Zalikha says about surviving break-ups; “Inilah masanya nak perasan semua lagu putus cinta dicipta untuk kau!”

Christina Perri – Jar Of Hearts

Lyrics:

I know I can’t take one more step towards you,

cause all that’s waiting is regret.

Don’t you know i’m not your ghost anymore.

You lost the love i loved the most.

[C/o]

I learned to live, half alive;

and now you want me one more time.

[Chorus]

And who do you think you are?

Running ’round leaving scars;

collecting your jar of hearts,

tearing love apart.

You’re gonna catch a cold,

from the ice inside your soul;

don’t come back for me.

Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around,

if i am anywhere to be found.

But i have grown too strong,

to ever fall back in your arms.

[Repeat C/o and Chorus]

It did took so long just to feel alright,

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes,

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed,

cause you broke all your promises.

And now you’re back;

you don’t get to get me back.

Adele – Rolling In The Deep

There’s a fire starting in my heart.

Reaching a fever pitch, and it’s bringing me out the dark.

Finally I can see you crystal clear.

Go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your shit bare.

See how I’ll leave with every piece of you.

Don’t underestimate the things that I will do.

There’s a fire starting in my heart.

Reaching a fever pitch, and it’s bringing me out the dark.

[Chorus]

The scars of your love remind me of us,

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all!

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,

I can’t help feeling..

We could have had it all!

Rolling in the deep (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand (You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

And you played it to the beat (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told.

But I’ve heard one of you,

And I’m gonna make your head burn.

Think of me in the depths of your despair,

Making a home down there, as mine sure won’t be shared

[Repeat Chorus]

Throw your soul through every open door,

Count your blessings to find what you look for.

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,

You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow.

(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

We could have had it all….

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all….

(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

It all, it all, it all……

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

[Repeat till fade]

We could have had it all

(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

Rolling in the deep

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand

(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

And you played it to the beat

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

But you played it!

You played it!

You played it!

You played it to the beat..

P/s: I don’t give a fuck, keep giving them hell; where was you when I fell and needed help up? You get no love!  – Eminem feat. Lil Wayne: No Love (Explicit Version)