Hey, its just not like me to have a part 2 for a certain topic isn’t it? Yeah, due to certain events, and also some stir up that has happened, I decided to put it here under the second part for the topic Confidence. This is also due to the reason of short, stupid meaningless of the previous post, which has been posted when I’m in such a condition that disable me from thinking rationally, thus producing such a gibberish that based on an unstable mind. Now that is really not like me.

Note how power words can be. With only one sentence, it can stir up things quite a deal. Fezzy’s being awkward in the next week after my word has been written. KD being curious and start asking me quite a lot of questions. Not to say Akma or Linda, who were just dying to know what the hell has been happening when there was nothing much actually, and, it has been quite a topic for them, trying to make it as big as a world political issue. (Damn I felt like I’m Bill Gates who just being caught red handed with Monica ) Ah by the way, it all has been ended up quite nicely.

Talking about words, my principle is still stands for this blog; this is my place to curse, to say everything I want, as accurately as I want, or as hidden as I want, or as ambiguous as I want. I won’t delete anything that has been said, or even modify it. I’m sorry if anybody’s offended, but this is my alter ego, this is my place, this is my freedom of speech. Let it be!!

Words are like swords; it can be pleasing to admire the shine of the steel, but it can be killing when the metal disembowel your inner parts – [re-arrange]

What I mean quite nicely is, I’ve already been able to think rationally and built up my confidence again, whether in doing relationship, or study, or everything else. Thanks to the words from Enol which I’ve been kept repeating: Life is not all about love. Thanks also to the vacation to Singapore arranged by my other family, which has kept my sanity inside me. And also special thanks to Fezzy who has been able to open up with me, and clear things up.

I can’t tell every details of the events that happening around me, coz, my memories ain’t that good to memorize every single things (gotta save spaces for things that are more important ). Just a summary for what the effects that all the events has given to me: I’m feeling more confidence in doing relationship, and I’m no longer phobic for commitment. My constentious are back! Not only that, I feel relieved, to know that everything are good, at least for now, apart from what has happened between me and Fezzy (hey we are good too! ). The fantastic 4, my own family. Everything seems resolved (okay, maybe not my financial, but, hell, money will come back for whatever I invested ).

Okay I’m getting out of focus here. My focus for this post is actually about confidence. Lately, there is this one events, which I can give a title: “Creating hell by yourself to yourself – The Low Self Esteem Problem”. Fuck I think I can write a book about this hahaha!. Here’s a summary for this particular events:

Miss A, who has been in a relationship with Mr E, currently having problems about their pretentious relationship. In their relationship, Miss A has not being herself in front of Mr E, when suddenly, she triggers the angry egoistic side of Mr E, as an effect of not letting go of what she has / need to speak. She keeps things to herself.

When this happens, Mr E has left her for somebody else. Miss A, who has such a bullshit of low self esteem, has been crying hell, like there are no other things in the world; like she’s going to die if she cannot get hold of Mr E. She thoughts that she is such an ugly girl, and no one will ever accept her as a companion again. She felt so terrible that she cannot do any routine job of hers anymore.

Mr E will be going abroad for his work, leaving Miss A behind to cry her blood over a sick, rotten memories. Will Miss A be able to stand up to her feet again, or will she be dying of dehydration due to the 1 litre of tears dropped to the ocean every second?

*sigh* I actually giving up on giving advice. Sometimes people just can’t think even though abundance of advice have been thrown. Well, suit yourself. For me, confidence in yourself is the key. Till when do you want to be in the hell that you, yourself created? Stand up for yourself, learn from experiences, think, and move on. And everything will be alright.