Archive for January, 2006

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January 22nd, 2006
“What if, you could have it all? Some people got to have it. Some people really need it. Good times, good things, bad things..” Add some tunes and melody to it, you got The Apprentice theme song. *lol*. This is what have been haunting me around this week. Conclusion : I’m broking down in term of money. I’m broke. *shit*

Living here in KL does seem to be money – based things. You got the money, you got it all. And as my December internship allowances is pending, which I’ll got by this 25, I’m really sick of living here. Going to work cost me money. Parking the car cost me money. Everything seems so bullshit that I can’t stand it much. I need to find another source of money, but what can I do?? I’ve even thinking of making a business via the Internet, but again, what is the business? *sigh* I’ve only have a hundred more to be living this week before the 25th comes (thanks to Gomok for lending me the money), and after some calculation, it simply doesn’t look good. I’ve been planning to be home at Muar by the end of this week, but the money is really choking me up. My parents has come back from pilgrimage on Thursday night, but I don’t want to burden them.

Let’s look into the calculation. Going to work will cost me the parking lots fee and also the fuel. The parking lot will be RM3.50 per day (and that’s the cheapest I can get, which cost me a 10 minutes walk from the parking lot to the office.) Raw assumption of fuel consumption will be about RM 35.00 a week. Total = RM3.50 multiply by 5 + RM35.00 = RM59.50. My smoking stocks will be RM5.50 multiply by 5. Total will be RM87.00. RM100.00 minus RM87.00 = RM 13.00. damn, how to eat for a week with only RM13.00?? Working in TTDI area will cost even your breakfast at least RM3.00 for a meal. And that’s calculation doesn’t include the amount of money that need to be spend for going back home at Muar. Going back to Muar will cost me RM22++ for the highway tolls, and at least RM30++ for the fuel consumption. It’s really costly to be living.

But then, I still got a fun by this weekend. There’s a MTG (Magic The Gathering) pre – release events, and for the first time in my life I’ve joined the tournament without any preparation. Don’t expect much, I won only a game out of 9. But I walk out with about 150++ cards, so I don’t bother much about losing or winning. yeah I’ve spend a lot of money enjoying myself, but doesn’t mean that no money will stop me from enjoying myself. However, if I don’t work on something to generate me extra money, I won’t be having any money to pay back my hostel pending fee at UTP. shit.

Damn, not much a quality for this post. I can’t think properly as there are no big issues right now, or maybe, I just ignored it. Whatever.

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<<< the life, the love – tribute to the real friends >>>

January 17th, 2006
Recently I’ve realized that some of my friends has dropped by in this blog and also put some comments. hehe. meaning that this blog is starting to gain a hit rate!! :p not my intention, actually at first I plan to make this place as a sanitary room where I can put all these shits out of my head (yes unta, when the moody times comes, it’s better to write something :D ) but now people start to read, so I’ll just let it be.

This post will be my tribute to those commentators and also a reply to them :

Snubby : Hell your blog makes me laughing while I’m in boredom and moody. haha. maybe it’s true that I’ve started to miss all the good and the bad things happened back in 2005, which has changed me bit by bit to who I am now. Now that’s life. At least I know my friends there where I’ve spending much time with them. :D kebenaran letak link?? u got it. please do. hehe. :p

Zhafran : yeah, life isn’t always about what we got. and I’m glad that you too feel the same. “what we are” is always the same, but “who we are” will never stop changing (quoted from the character Sophia Curtis, CSI Season 5). Aku percaya yg ramai lg org yg jadik mcm ni, or maybe even worst. Life ain’t a time like we use to be man.. *sigh* sorry gak laa psl tak dpt reply ym ko arituh, aku tido dah actually at that time. later we can have a good discussion about this fuckin’ life.

Unta : hehe..aku tak reti lg nk letak shoutbox. nk letak counter pn tatau lg. bg ler url mana2. malas lak nk google. nnt ade masa lebey aku wat.heheh :p

Ina : First of all, I’m sorry. I’m a greedy bastard man to be grateful with what I have. Now I’ve learnt it. We’ve learnt it. Let’s make it a memory and a lesson in the life. Life isn’t about the one we love ONLY. *sigh* Now that is a real regret that I have. Next gf? If only I have one. :p

And to those who reading but no comment; do the good, leave the bad for lessons. Now that is a REAL life situation that can happens to anybody. *~*

Well now for my little updates, I’m doing my internship now at IBM,TTDI KL and currently live at my friend’s house (macha). And what I expected : to do a lot of programming or involved in an IT project, is not happened (at least for this time). Right now I’m kinda bored with the situation (and it only 6th week now!!). I’ve been put into ASEAN Technical Sales Support Services, where people there (called as Techliners) do support services like pricing, sizing (scaling down or up for a server), licensing, or proposal or even answering some questions from IBMer (the one who sells IBM product only) or BP (business partner) etc2.

My job? Checking the mailbox for the service request required and queued it up in the Siebel System. And the work need to be done by the morning, so eventually after 11, I got bored because of nothing much to do. *sigh* Not to say that I’m such a workaholic or hardworking, but the scenario of the workplace sucks big time. It’s kinda like library. I can hear my keyboard pressed when I’m chatting with my friends. And they acted like I’m just a kid, nobody there really appreciate me as a worker, or at least as an intern. Even to speak also I need to whisper, coz of the silent environment there. It’s like an unwritten rule to be a “nerd” and a “geek” there. Always in my lunch, I ended up eating alone like a loser. That’s when all the memories comes back in. *sigh*

Not to mention their own racism. There are so many chinese, and they kinda like having their own tribe which is really2 hard to be broken off. So how can I be close to them?? I don’t have any space to be put in. Now how is my life?? daymn..fucking bored. My routine will be : wake up in the morning at 8am, driving through hell and jams until 9, and work at the Siebel. Then stop for my breakfast (my own rest time), smoking, and then surf for an hour randomly before going out for lunch. Then comes in at 1400hrs (late for half an hour..dulik pe aku..smyg2 lg..), continue surfing randomly until the admin have some reports to do, or I’ll continue surfing till 6. then going back home through the hell again, arrive around 7 to 8, eat, watching tv, then sleep. Same routine over and over again. fuck!

what a life I’ve got ere.. *sigh*


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<<< the life continued : new year's coming, old year's reminiscence >>>

January 15th, 2006
“How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go to deep, that have taken hold.”

Shit. That would be my reminiscence for the year 2005. And for the xth many times I’ve watch again and again, The Lord of The Ring, Return of The King, only this time I felt touched by the question from Frodo Baggins. Today is Monday, 9th day after the new year of 2006. It is a cold night, which I favoured to be the time for thoughts and memory. Let me just rewind the time back again, and see how many things that had happened and unconciously, changing me and my life, for the sake of good and bad.

Some hurts that go to deep, that have taken hold. It starts as early in the month of March or April, as far as the pain stays, I’ve managed to slightly forget the day. The day when my hands tremble, shocked with the confession of a friend, my dearest friend as I thought at that time, till I suddenly felt in love with her. Check out the “Cruel Fate”, you’ll know the particular. And for the time being, I felt so stupid, making a decision to ditch her, just because I don’t get what I want. Maybe that’s what we call karma. After a lot of thinking and reviewing, I think I have my karma. Leaving Ina’s behind only for a girl, whom I have attracted to because of the deceitful beauty. And that happens unconciously. Ina even questioned me about it, but I at that time denied it. Now I think that the justice has been served, and how stupidity just blinded a man after the greediness shadowed me.

Breaking up with Ina is not the things that really hurts me. Maybe I’m a perfectionist, which makes me always dreaming for the highest, hastily bored with somethings and routines, and always trying to achive high as I dreamed. The thing is; whenever I don’t get what I want, the fall always from the highest part of the world. And when I get what I want, I do not satisfy. I’m not saying that leaving Ina’s doesn’t give any good impact to both of us. Everything has a pro and contra. The pro is; we doesn’t do anymore courting, which if continued, may involve both of us in the pre-marital sex relationship. Meanwhile the contra; I pass up the best things that ever happened to me. Nah, the effects; my first regret when the “Cruel Fate” comes along. And the “Cruel Fate” doesn’t leave me alone with only one fate. The death comes around me. And my emotions at that time is really unstable. Effects my academic. After 2 years of leaving the 2 pointers history behind, it come again to haunt me back.

Moving to the second part of the year. Trying to leave all the history behind, I try to dwell myself with a lot of other things that not make much sense. I’m trying to be someone else. Trying to be accepted by people around me. And the only platform where I can be accepted is this “virtual world”. Nobody really know what happened to me. I acted like there’s nothing happens. People see me happily chatting around, nocturnal every night, teasing people around. Yet I can’t find the right flavour where I can speak my mind and being paid attention to. #itisjan03, nothing but merely a room, where the people only connected by the same course, but different mind and different attitude, even a different lifestyle. I can’t say much of a lifestyle by that time, because unconciously I don’t have much life back there at the time. Sitting in front of my computer, listening to the same playlist of song over and over again, staring at the monitor lifelessly, and responded with some teasing, or a word to show that I’m bored,”bosannnnnnnn”. I don’t really believe that I have a real friend back then. Not until, the “Fellowship of the Gurly” emerged in the last quarter of the year.

It all begins when one night, this nocturnal creature got an invitation to hang out with some buddies, known and unknown, because at that time we doesn’t have a real thing to do, and we (or at least me) are pretty hungry and wanna grab something. Me, Khalis aka Shin, Syuk aka blaser, Dect aka HiD, and a pretty girl, Laila aka Seren. Amazingly, we just sit there and chats like we have known each other a long time ago (btw, I’m already know Shin and Syuk at that time, but that’s it. The one who really living things up at that time was Dect and Seren). We really did have a good time back then. That’s when I know the #gurly, and start joining in and be accepted.

#gurly consist of 4 main pillars : Celesta aka kak su, Lilo aka Isma(which we really never called her Isma), Kasab aka Mar??? (again, we never called her Mar) and also Laila aka Seren. These are the main attraction. They are really gurly at that time, and also they just known each other in such a short time. Then there comes some “gheyly” there, including me, mangifera aka dueng, jakun aka jemang, wekap (my own rumet, after has replaced the “enemy” on the GV gath), jakas aka [grave], syuk, shin, akechi aka ned, unta aka yoda, snub aka lan, anon aka zerokewl, mekot aka allblue and many more. There are also some others, megi aka intan, aesha aka HIV_alicious, miki aka ??, black orchid aka nurul??, etc2. (nahh..i can’t remember all). But the one who make things lively is always the 4 pillars and some of the “gheyly”. So, there are men, and there are women, what happened next?? A lot.

In the short time we happened to be having dinner together, going out together, chatting and flirting around us together, and be like a family in such a short time. There are also some complicated things going around, some story-telling and secret-revealing, gossiping and many more. We shared a lot. This is the second team that I’ve found in my life, which I can called them a family (the first one was my ex-classmate back in form 5 at jasin, the querians.)

But then, 2 months doesn’t seem enough. Happiness comes to an end. The end of year has come. Life must go on. Sometimes I hate memories, even though it is a good one. It makes me touched, it makes me regret. Now, “how do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back??”

The end of 2005..the comes of 2006. Later i wrote about this more.


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